Dracula the Dirty Old Man & Guess What Happened to Count Dracula

January 28, 2012 7 Min Read

Review by: Fusion3600

Plot: What’s it about?

When Mike Waters enters the desert cave home of a known vampire, he expects an odd experience, but he has no idea what awaits him inside. The undead Count Dracula (Vince Kelly) has the usual vampire features, not to mention a terrible hairpiece and of course, a desire to score with a lot of chicks. But as he is unable to go out in the sunlight, he needs someone to bring the young lovelies to him, so he can seduce them, drink their blood, and then dispose of them. In order to make this happen, he puts a supernatural hex on old Mike, which turns him into a strange wolflike creature that obeys his master’s orders. But Mike is not Mike anymore, he is known as Irving Jackalman and in his new persona, he wanders the streets looking for victims, but when Mike’s girlfriend winds up in the den, who has first dibs on the hottie?

As if the title alone wasn’t reason enough to see this one, how about ample amounts of blood, flesh, and hilarious moments? I mean, this is one bad movie, but it is loaded with camp and bad jokes, you can’t help but be entertained. Of course, it helps to be a fan of bad horror movies, but even if you’re not, Dracula the Dirty Old Man will still deliver some chuckles. Where else can you see Dracula with a Jewish accent, a Wolfman as his horny sidekick, and tons of naked women, all packed into one low rent picture? Imagine Dracula and the Wolfman fighting over who gets to nail certain chicks, all while stalking the streets to keep their bedrooms filled. A sort of blood soaked nudie cutie, Dracula the Dirty Old Man was a blast to watch and of course, bad movie lovers should jump at the chance, since this one was rare for some time. When you consider its part of an outlandish Dracula double feature, this movie is more than worth the price of admission.

After centuries of living in darkness, with his only social actions being feeding upon people at night, Count Dracula decided to make some changes. He now lives as Count Adrian (Des Roberts) and enjoys a booming social life, in which he owns a nightclub and lives the high life. His place is called Dracula’s Dungeon, which is where he dances the nights away, meets & bleeds new people, and of course, makes his plans in terms of his eternal partner. When he isn’t tending to his tiger or caged gorilla, Adrian devises ways to make the beautiful Angelica his bride forever, via repeated neck bites, of course. But as time passes, will he be able to succeed in his efforts, or is he doomed to spend forever…all alone?

The second half of this Dracula double feature is just as unusual as the first half, perhaps even moreso. In what seems to have run up a production bill of just under a Ben Franklin, Guess What Happened to Count Dracula takes us on a tour of vampires, hippies, wild animals, and of course, tender romance and bloodletting. Aside from the lighting, which is always too dark and obscures detail, this is a great movie that offers tons of laughs, most of which comes from the sheer nonsense usually found on screen. The movie has random closeups, storyline gaps you wouldn’t believe, and dialogue that’s so bad, you will be amazed someone could deliver it with a straight face, especially actors of this level. I laughed more during this movie than I ever have at a movie about Dracula’s nightclub, though I should warn you, this is also the only such film I have seen. Even so, this is a terrific movie and for fans of cult horror, a must see release.

Video: How does it look?

Both films are presented here in full frame, which is somewhat acceptable, since other elements were probably unavailable. I mean, these are movies Something Weird has rescued from certain doom and given the low sales drives involved, I can understand why immense funds weren’t allocated to enhance the visuals here. Both prints have rough stretches, with heavy marks & debris, but some scenes look excellent, save for in Guess What Happened to Count Dracula, whose dark visuals never look too impressive. In other words, they look about how I expected, given they’re almost lost cult movies from the 1960s. No one will be dazzled by these transfer, but come on, think about the material involved here.

Audio: How does it sound?

These insane Dracula flicks don’t need much audio punch, so the included mono tracks prove to be more than adequate. Of course, these aren’t the cleanest or crispest tracks out there, but it all sounds good and I wasn’t let down much. You have to consider the age and nature of the materials here, which is why I am more lenient in my score in this section. The wacky music and hilarious dialogue all comes across is more than decent form, which is more than enough in this case. I doubt this stuff could be improved much without expensive restoration work, so I’ll take these tracks and be pleased to own the movies themselves.

Supplements: What are the extras?

This disc includes two fun bonus vampire short films, Dracula and the Dirty Old Witch and Sex and the Single Vampire, the latter of which stars John Holmes himself. You can also check out some ghoulish comic cover artwork, as well as various Something Weird trailers, though no trailers for either of the main films can be found.

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