Plot: What’s it about?
Link (Alex DeBoe) loves the cool waters, he would be out with his buddies in the surf at all times, if he could bypass sleep. In fact, the massive amount of time spent on his board is starting to get him into trouble. His girlfriend Sunny (Gabrielle Anwar) is tired of being the second option, since he chooses the surf over her time and again. She has feelings for the bonehead, but without the level of attention she needs, she is left in a hard place. Link and his best friend Bernie (Douglas Spain) rule the beaches however, although they rule with surfing skills, since their intelligence levels would be moderate at best. At the same time, a filthy rich man named Ronald (Bronson Pinchot) moves onto the beach, with two other wealthy men by his side. The three lavish their mansion with all the finer touches, not to mention throwing money around the locals. This ensures that word spreads about three rich guys on the beach, which Donald and his friends are certain will mean ample chicks at their feet. But the plan stalls at first, which prompts Donald to seek outside advice on how to score the ladies in large doses. He turns to Link and Bernie, who could use some extra funds, since they’ve been evicted by their off the wall landlord. Can the two somehow hatch a plan to pay the bills, or have the days of fun & sun passed forever?
Can a lot of naked breasts redeem an otherwise bad movie? I can attest to the power of boobs, but even gratuitous nudity isn’t enough in some cases. I could tell Boardheads was a bad movie from the case and previews, but I could also tell a lot of ladies drop top in its duration, but would the boobies be enough? The assortment of females is impressive, with such names as Victoria Silvstedt, Gabrielle Anwar, Meadow Sisto, Avalon Anders, and Traci Bingham. So we know the babes are hot and willing to show off their assets, but what about the rest of Boardheads? The film was shot back in 1998, but sat in release limbo until now, when MGM blew off the dust and slapped it onto a shiny little disc. A massive delay in release raises eyebrows, which is good because in this case, the delay was with good reason. Boardheads is just a stupid movie all the way around, with poor writing, poor performances, and downright terrible direction. John Quinn, whose resume is mostly softcore erotica, is unable to do much of anything with his direction. The dialogue is ineffective, the actors seem to be asleep at times, and in the end, even the abundance of naked females isn’t enough to save this ten ton clunker. If you’re that hard up to see some naked female flesh, I suppose a rental would do, but there has to be a better option than Boardheads.
Video: How does it look?
Boardheads is presented in 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen, with a full frame edition also included on this release. The time spent in storage must have dulled the elements, as this does not look as good as it should. The print looks rough, with frequent nicks and debris evident, while grain puts a light haze over the visuals. The film’s visuals still come across, but not as well and I am unsure why the print is so worn. What should be vivid and bold colors have a faded, soft texture and contrast is inconsistent at best. This movie would have at least been more tolerable with a proper visual presentation, but no such luck here. I have no idea why, but Boardheads looks ten years older than it actually is, at least in this treatment.
Audio: How does it sound?
A bland, unremarkable 2.0 surround option is used here, as I imagine MGM didn’t want to waste funds on a remix. I can understand that line of thought, but even so, this mix is limited and provides no real presence. Of course, the dialogue and other elements are audible, but beyond that basic level of performance, don’t expect much. The surrounds remain silent throughout much of the picture, but even live moments seem flat. The music should be loud and brash, but comes off as thin and forgettable. No serious problems with dialogue, though some scenes do seem a bit soft, which can make it tough to hear all the lines. This disc also includes a Spanish language track, as well as subtitles in English and Spanish.
Supplements: What are the extras?
This disc includes no bonus materials.
