Plot: What’s it about?
The future is a barren, scorched place, thanks to countless wars that caused intense damage to the surface, making it a desolate landscape. The human race continues to survive, but what was once a common, free element has become a most valued treasure. That element is water, something humans need in order to persevere, but not a commodity that is easy or cheap to obtain. The water supply is controlled by a group known as The Templars, a not so kind bunch of folks. The iron grip kept on the water supplies makes life hard on most of mankind, except for those in cahoots with The Templars. But this government of sorts has a system of checks and balances, just not one it wishes to have in place. In order to keep water flowing to the masses, bands of pirates form and work to take from the rich and give to the parched. One of the most notorious pirates is Jason (Robert Urich), who hijacks Templar transports with the help of his unusual crew and robot sidekicks. When he meets a beautiful woman however, his love is short lived, as he is captured and sentenced to castration. But he manages to escape, at least for a while, as long as he helps his new love find her father. Even with his crew of lunatics and monsters, can Jason save the woman, perhaps even find the legendary planet of water?
As much faith as I have, I have to admit that I never expected to see The Ice Pirates on DVD, at least not as a release from Warner. This seems more like fodder for a more minor, cult focused label, but Warner has unearthed this 1984 not so classic for its own purposes. I saw this movie on video in the late 80s, but never revisited it, so as I watched this disc, it was almost like a first time session. I remembered the laughs more than anything, so I kind of expected a sci/fi spoof of some sort. Alas, I must have been on dope back then, as The Ice Pirates has fewer laughs than Dennis Leary in a cancer ward. A few jabs work, but most fall short and in truth, the movie never commits itself to being a full on spoof. By the same token, the over the top performances, outlandish plot line, and humorous special effects undermine any chance at genuine sci/fi. This fence sitting keeps The Ice Pirates down, as the movie is never able to focus and explore one side or the other. But if you just want a slice of 80s sci/fi most folks would rather forget, then you could do worse. Robert Urich and Angelica Huston lend credibility, while football legend John Matuszak is also on hand. In the end, The Ice Pirates is a bad movie, no doubt, but if you like bad cinema from the 80s, its worth a rental.
Video: How does it look?
The Ice Pirates is presented in 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen. I found the image to be solid, but as expected, there’s quite a bit of grain present here. At times, the grain is rather light and unobtrusive, but it sometimes gets a little thick, which is bad news indeed. But the image never dips below acceptable, so if you’re used to low budget 80s movies with grain, this one shouldn’t be any different. The colors and contrast remain stable, but are sometimes impacted by the grain, although never to an extreme extent. I’ve never seen The Ice Pirates look this clean and sharp, but even so, it has some real flaws and can’t measure up to the usual DVD standards.
Audio: How does it sound?
The included mono option is a decent treatment, but as expected, it doesn’t allow much in terms of atmosphere. I didn’t hear any hiss or other age related issues, so the elements aren’t hindered in that respect. The music sounds good, but isn’t able to have much depth, which is the case with the sound effects also. But dialogue sounds very good, so no concerns in that department to mention. This disc also includes a French language track, as well as subtitles in English, Spanish, and French, should you need those.
Supplements: What are the extras?
This disc includes the film’s theatrical trailer.
