“I didn’t think it was possible, but this both sucks and blows.” – Bart Simpson
Plot: What’s it about?
Out of the thousands of movies I’ve seen in my lifetime, there are only a handful that have made me want to turn the TV off in the first five minutes. Yes, Vampire Academy, you are one of those select few that have so disgusted and annoyed me, I really had no desire or urge to get to the second chapter. But, movie studios send me Blu-ray’s to get reviewed, so I figure I can take 104 minutes (as painful as they may be) out of my day and at least “earn” that movie. There are a lot of ways I could go with this, but I guess I’ll lash out at Stephenie Meyer and her damn Twilight series of books. Once thought to be the successor to the Harry Potter books and movies, these films did more to damage the vampire genre than anything else. Granted, when dealing with vampires (or wizards, for the matter) it’s pure fiction, but there’s something innately wrong when vampires sparkle. It’s just…wrong! Back to the film in question, though. Meyer’s novels have set the way for future vampire movies and now we’re presented with Vampire Academy. From the director or Mean Girls and the writer of Heathers. Ok, looks promising – so what the hell went wrong?
I’ll keep the plot simple because just thinking about it angers me. Lissa (Lucy Fry), a vampire, along with her BFF and guardian Rose (Zoey Deutch), who she also shares a psychic rapport with, have been living on their own for two years. Yes, they’ve “escaped” from the vampire school in Montana. Yes, Montana. However they’re apprehended and returned to said school and are now on the lookout for the evil vampires or “Strigoi” as they’re referred to. Long story short – it’s the good vampires against the bad vampires. Who do you think will prevail?
I read in an article a few years back that director Kevin Smith said he doesn’t mind when his movies are panned, but that some critics at least took the time to tell him why. So with that in mind I’ll at least say what it was about this movie that bothered me so. Ready? Where to begin…paper thin characters, a plot so contrived that you can tell what’ll happen in the first ten minutes, posh and untalented actresses and a genre that’s been so played out there’s hardly anything original left. How’s that? I understand that there was a novel by the same name and I have to believe that there was more going on in the book than in the movie. I won’t read the book because, well, I’ve seen the movie. I’m rambling. Seriously, save your time and/or money and skip this. If you want a good movie about vampires pick any other one, yes even Twilight.
Video: How’s it look?
Having suffered through the film itself, I will say that the 2.40:1 AVC HD encode does look pretty good. As with most vampire movies, it’s dark and it’s meant to be. I couldn’t keep my eyes off Zoey Deutch’s collagen-injected lips though. I mean seriously, was that intentional of did they actually make her wear fangs? Anyway, that’s a testament to how crisp and clear the transfer is. Blacks are solid, contrast is spot on and detail is stunning. Save for a few spots here and there, this is certainly a good-looking image.
Audio: How’s it sound?
Likewise the DTS HD Master Audio mix has some moments as well. Granted this isn’t something that I was expecting reference-quality sound from and it didn’t deliver on that front, but still it benefits from a very robust sound mix. Vocals are pure and crisp, just try not to pay attention to what’s actually being said and you’ll be alright. Surrounds are used sparingly, but when they chime in – it works. A nice mix.
Supplements: What are the extras?
Thankfully we don’t have to sit through too many extras and what’s included isn’t that impressive (not that I was surprised at this point).
- Alternate Opening
- Deleted Scenes – Five in all, the highlight of which is “Microwave Mini Taquitos.”
- A Conversation with Richelle Mead – The author of the book discusses the film, its origins and its journey to the screen.
- UltraViolet Copy
