Plot: What’s it about?
An evil force is stalking lesbians, leaving them bitten, drained of all their blood, then left for dead. But as the victims don’t just decompose, they rise back as undead minions, Father Eustace (Tim Devries) believes vampires are involved. As his newest convert Maxine (Murielle Varhelyi) has vanished, he decides the time has come to call in some divine intervention, as the man himself, Jesus Christ (Phil Caracas). He dispatches two assistants to fetch Jesus, who happens to be doing a baptism at the time, but things turn sour once everyone arrives. Maxine returns, but as a bloodthirsty vampire and she’s not alone, as two other vampires are beside her. Jesus steps up and hands out some martial arts madness, but before he can kick Maxine’s ass, she has attacked his convert and left her mark behind. So Jesus vows to end the vampire menace, gets his hair trimmed short, shaves his beard, and prepares to open up some whupass on the vamps. Father Eustace teams him with Mary Magnum (Maria Moulton), the beautiful young parishioner chick. After an intense battle with some atheists and a quick stop at Home Depot (for wood to make stakes with), Jesus and Mary soon track down Maxine. They follow her back to the vampire headquarters, but they’re in no way prepared for they will witness there…
Now this is cult cinema, the kind of movie you’d see back in the 1970s, when filmmakers took chances and explored bizarre premises. Hell, Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter is even shot on 16MM, so it even looks like those 70s cult flicks. A lot of movies have a cool title, but fail to live up to the name, though that isn’t the case here. Instead, this picture surpasses even your wildest expectations and delivers eighty-five minutes of sheer chaos that never slows down, not even to let you catch your breath. Jesus is an asskicker with a martial arts slant, while his team also includes Mexican wrestling legend El Santos and a super hot chicks that brings back wonderful memories of Emma Peel, only with more attitude. Then throw in tons of kung-fu battles, vampires, lesbians, hilarious slapstick comedy, a mad doctor, a musical number, and a scene in which Jesus and God have a conversation is one of the strangest ways possible. But all this mayhem isn’t random or just slapped together, it all meshes well and creates an insane, unpredictable motion picture. Yes, it was shot on poor stock and has low end production values, but the fun just never stops here and as such, I am able to give Jesus Christ: Vampire a very high recommendation. A lot of films out there claim to hold cult status, but without question, this one is an instant cult classic.
Video: How does it look?
Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter is presented in full frame, as intended. This was shot with a miniscule budget on 16MM stock, so as should be able to guess, the result is not a top notch visual presentation. But in truth, the rough texture and grain seems to enhance the movie at times, as it plays like something from the 70s, like I mentioned before. So we have a lot of grain and some general print defects, but for what it is, you can’t ask much more from Eclectic’s transfer. The colors are as bright as you’d want, flesh tones come off as natural, and while hindered by the grain, contrast still seems stark and acceptable. As this one was held back from the start because of the materials, I am using a special scale and as such, don’t be overly critical of my score. I mean, this movie looks as good as possible on DVD, what else can we want?
Audio: How does it sound?
Just as the video is stunted due to production limitations, the audio is held back thanks to the same reasons. As far as basics are concerned however, this track handles the essentials well and provides an acceptable presentation. A few scenes here scream for a surround mix, but even as it stands, this soundtrack isn’t too restrictive in most sequences. The music sounds clean and solid, though keep in mind, it isn’t able to be as expansive in this mix, since it can’t take full advantage of the speakers. I found dialogue to be in fine form also, though in a few scenes, the lines are a tad hard to hear at times.
Supplements: What are the extras?
The supplements kick off with a crowded audio commentary session, which features director Lee Gordon DeMarbre, writer Ian Driscoll, and stars Phil Caracas, Josh Grace, and Jeff Moffett. This proves to a wild experience, as the guys discuss the evolution of the premise, recall production details, share humorous stories, and also talk about their cinematic inspirations. You can tell these guys love movies and love working together, as they have a passion and humor that shines through this track. A reel of assorted rough footage, unused clips, and outtakes runs just over thirty minutes and is worth a look, since the same guys from the commentary return to dish even more on the production. This disc also includes an extended version of the dance sequence, the Harry Knuckles mock trailer, half an hour of cast & crew interview, and the film’s trailer.
