Plot: What’s it about?
In Los Angeles, there are many types of people. You’ve got movie stars, bums, plastic surgeons, and oh yeah, vampires. But these vamps don’t just lurk around, waiting for their next victim, they party hardy! In charge of the whole L.A. bloodsucking scene is Count Dracula himself (Robert Pastorelli), who has strict rules for his minions to follow, the most important being, no one becomes a vampire without permission from him. What an egomaniac, huh? But, in reward for following his rules, these vampires enjoy perks like you would not believe. They get choice blood from fresh and nubile “donors,” and have very good social lives. These pointy teethed demons have tea parties, shopping trips, you name it. But, they have to stay out of public view, so humans don’t discover them, and hunt them down to extinction. That’s why The Count is downright pissed when an outside vampire, nicknamed The Hollywood Slasher, is killing without thinking, risking her arrest, and therefore exposing the existence of vampires. That said, it could put a hamper on the good life for these fanged partiers.
A mortal man, Dr. Van Helsing (Rod Steiger), puts an ad in a newspaper for vampire hunters, and assembles a group of gang banging Crips to help him battle the infestation and avenge his son’s death. At the same time the good doctor rolls into town, an exiled vampire named Dallas (Casper Van Dien) returns to L.A., and hooks up with the Hollywood Slasher herself (Natasha Gregson Wagner), which only puts him another notch higher on The Count’s shit list. So to recap, Dallas wants the Slasher alive, The Count wants the Slasher dead, which makes Dallas want The Count dead, which in turn makes The Count want Dallas dead, and Dr. Van Helsing wants them all dead. It sounds confusing, but trust me, it’s not, there’s just a lot going on here. Suffice it to say they all meet up in a winner takes all battle, and you might be suprised at everything that happens.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. This is a Sterling release, so it must be a cheesy made for Tv movie, right? Hell no! Just because Sterling is a smaller company does not mean their product is sub par. Modern Vampires is the best vampire movie I have seen, bar none. The production levels are very high, with excellent camera work, gore and make up effects, and fantastic locations. I cannot speak highly enough about the quality of this film, I was not expecting this great of a feature, but Sterling has brought us a horror/comedy classic with Modern Vampires. This disc was so great, I am going to take a look at some other Sterling titles, and see what other gems are hiding in their catalog.
Now that I have that off my chest, let’s talk about the people who made this movie. If you have read my earlier review on the movie Freeway, you have a little information on the cast of Modern Vampires. It was written by the writer/director of Freeway, Matthew Bright, who I think has a great future ahead of him, and I can guarantee I would see any film with his name attached to it. Also returning from Freeway is producer Brad Wyman. Those two along with the musical talents of Danny Elfman and Gerry Gershman, form a sold base for Modern Vampires. Freeway is a great movie, but Modern Vampires is even better. If you liked Freeway, I suggest you take a look at this disc as well, I think you’ll like it. Modern Vampires was directed by Richard Elfman, and I believe this is his first feature. Email me if I’m wrong, because I’d like to know of other works by him.
The acting in Modern Vampires, while not Shakespeare, is very good, and fits the material well. Taking the lead role is Casper Van Dien (Starship Troopers, Shark Attack), who is very likable in this role, and plays it with very little seriousness, which is f’n great for this movie! All the stars of this film really seem to be having a lot of fun, and while their acting is not Academy Award material, it is good, and the way they act is very casual, which fits this movie to a tee. Rod Steiger (Mars Attacks, On The Waterfront, Doctor Zhivago) plays a bitter old vampire hunter, and he is hilarious! He has some really funny lines in this, and his interaction with the gang members is great! Natasha Gregson Wagner (Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Lost Highway) plays the outsider vampire, and does a decent job, but mostly serves as T&A fodder. The rest of the cast includes Natasha Lyonne (American Pie, Slums of Beverly Hills), Robert Pastorelli, Gabriel Casseus (Black Dog, Get On The Bus), Kim Cattrall (Police Academy-YES!, Porky’s-YES!), among others. Also playing small role in Modern Vampires is one of my favorite actors, Udo Kier, who is still scary looking after all these years. If you also like Udo, check out Barb Wire, Flesh For Frankenstein, Blood For Dracula, Blade, and Armageddon. Hell, just go to some on-line DVD retailer, type in his name, and buy all his movies.
Now, here is the part where I tell you to watch this movie. Don’t just watch this movie, buy this movie. Modern Vampires has everything a horror fan could want. You got your vampires biting the shit out of everyone with a neck, including each other, and blood spurting everywhere. Blood is always good in a vampire movie, so anyone out there making a vampire movie, go nuts with the blood, we love it. You’ve got some decent fight scenes, but not many. I mean, violence is violence, you want it, this movie has it, so don’t be so particular. This movie will also satisfy those who enjoy a little flesh well, a lot of flesh really. This movie features enough young breasts to keep anyone happy, and you ever get a few hunks in there for the ladies. What a generous cast this was indeed. Now, normally a movie would rely on sex and violence to sell a movie, but Modern Vampires also features a splendid cast, high production values, and a great comic tone to it all. This movie does not take itself seriously. But it is serious about keeping you entertained, and it does it’s job. You should buy this disc right now, hurry up!
Video: How does it look?
Modern Vampires is presented full frame, and I’m not sure if that’s the original aspect ratio or not. But if it isn’t, whoever was in charge of framing this movie did a perfect job. All the action is seen, no pan and scan needed on this one. So, I think full frame is the correct ratio of this film. The video quality is great, no grain or artifacting. The film was a straight to video/DVD release, so the print is in pristine condition here. Colors are vibrant and scaled, no bleeding or oversaturation. But where this movie really shines is in the dark, where most of the movie takes place. The black levels are correct, leaving every shadow visible. A great transfer!
Audio: How does it sound?
Again, a nice transfer. The effects are frequent, and will give your system a nice work out. The dialogue is always crisp and clear, better than many major studio releases I have heard in fact. The soundtrack is great, with music that fits this picture perfectly.
Supplements: What are the extras?
Again, Modern Vampires leaves me satisfied. You get a trailer for the feature presentation, as well as a bonus trailer for The Progeny, which I hope to review soon. In addition to those trailers, you get fairly detailed cast/crew bios and Spanish sub titles. Now for the really good stuff…a great twelve minute behind the scenes featurette, which reveals a little about the making of Modern Vampires through interviews and footage. The best part of this extras package is a running commentary with director Richard Elfman and star Casper Van Dien. Listening to these two talk only reinforce my thoughts on how fun this picture was to make. It seems like they did it just for fun, to spoof the genre of vampire movies. But, in my eyes, they more than spoofed the genre, they made the best movie in it. I know you might be skeptical, but give it a chance, you will not be let down.
