Sixpack Annie

July 12, 2012 5 Min Read

Review by: Fusion3600

Plot: What’s it about?

Annie (Lindsay Bloom) and Marylou (Jana Bellan) work at a small diner owned by their aunt Tess. But Tess has fallen behind in her payments to the bank, so if she doesn’t catch up soon, she will lose the place. While getting five thousand dollars seems like an impossible task, Annie isn’t phased. She is certain she can find a way to drum up the cash and save the diner. Since the small town of Titwillow isn’t home to many wealthy folks, the sisters truck to Miami, where their older sister Flora resides. After quite an eventful trip, the girls arrive in Miami and meet up with Flora. They soon learn that Flora isn’t as rich as they thought, instead she relies on sugar daddies to provide her income. And since she is between suitors, she can’t give them the cash. Annie is not about to give up though, so she decides to use her own feminine wiles to score a sugar daddy. But can a simple country girl like Annie finagle the five thousand dollars from one of her potential sugar daddies?

As the cliche goes, they just don’t make ’em like they used to. Sixpack Annie is perhaps the Citizen Kane of dim witted hayseed cinema, with an incredible amount of chaos tucked into just under an hour and a half. This was a hard to track down movie at one time, but for fans of surreal camp, it was worth the wait. This has to be one of the dumbest movies ever created, a constant parade of redneck antics that hits on all the cliches like a whack-a-mole session. To give you an idea of the fun, a fat guy slips on a banana peel, Dr. Pepper is shoehorned into most scenes, and without question the lamest sexual innuendos ever committed to the silver screen. In other words, Sixpack Annie is so bad, it winds up as a nonstop riot to watch. I am sure some will turn up their noses, but I had a blast with this movie. I couldn’t help but be entertained by this mess and wonder what kind of discussions took place on the set that led to this end result. If you like bad movies, hayseed comedies, or an always gorgeous Lindsay Bloom without her clothes on, Sixpack Annie is well worth a look.

Video: How does it look?

Sixpack Annie is presented in 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen. Given how obscure this movie is and the low budget production involved, I had low expectations for this release. And while the low rent roots shine through, this looks much better than I ever expected. I’ve only seen a worn, dubbed VHS version of this movie and so this is a revelation. The print has some debris, but looks cleaner than expected. The detail is strong as well, though just as much depth there is depends on the scenes, as some look crystal clear and others show softness. As inconsistent as the visuals are at times, this is a hundred times better I ever dreamed this movie could look.

Audio: How does it sound?

This is a more than solid soundtrack, but not one you’ll be dazzled with. Despite the low rent nature of the source, the track has few inherent issues, such as hiss or thin dialogue. The audio remains clear for the most part, with no serious flaws. The music sounds good, if not all that lively, while the various goofy sound effects are well handled too. The vocals tend to the primary focus and trust me, you won’t want to miss some of these lines. And since the dialogue is at a proper volume and never wavers, you won’t miss even a single groan inducing one liner.

Supplements: What are the extras?

This disc includes no bonus materials.

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