The Naked Mile: Unrated

January 28, 2012 7 Min Read

Review by: Fusion3600

Plot: What’s it about?

The name Stifler carries a tradition, as the Stifler men are legends in the field of causing trouble, hooking up with chicks, and partying like tomorrow will never come. But Erik Stifler (John White) hasn’t been able to live up to that tradition, he’s more laid back. In fact, unlike any other Stifler anyone can remember, Erik is a nice guy and well liked. He has a girlfriend named Tracy (Jessy Schram), but his sex life isn’t one to brag about, as he is still a virgin. Even when he gets the green light to slide in the sheets, things never work out and he remains unable to consummate. He wants to have sex of course and given his last name, everyone expects him to have sex, so his friends give him a lot of grief. As he prepares to visit his cousin Dwight (Steve Talley) at college, Tracy gives him a “guilt free” pass, to experiment with other women. She isn’t ready, but doesn’t want to lose him, so he figures once he gets some, he won’t mind the wait for her. But as soon as he leaves, she changes her mind, though she isn’t able to contact him and let him know. So now Erik is surrounded by hotties of all kinds and The Naked Mile, a group run with all nude runners, is right around the corner. Will Erik live up to the Stifler name and nail some college babes, or will he forge his own path?

The American Pie franchise rolls on with The Naked Mile, another direct to video “sequel” that banks on the public’s desire for low rent laughs. I love teen and college comedies, so I wanted to love The Naked Mile, but the movie is not a worthwhile one. I appreciate the ample naked women, even if none stay in frame long enough to admire, but no breasts are worth this kind of investment. The usual American Pie formula is in place, take a nice guy and put him in embarrassing sexual situations, with plenty of gross out moments. But instead of putting his cock in a pie, this nice guy ejaculates on his grandmother and causes her to die of shock. I was indeed offended, not because of the controversial content, but because of how poorly written it all is. I have no idea why anyone would think ten minutes of “boner olympics” would work, but then again, when the jokes are as bad as the ones found here, its just more fuel on the fire. The movie is about twenty minutes too long and actually becomes dull at times, which is the kiss of death. I didn’t mind American Pie, but its spawn have gotten worse and worse, leading to this total disaster of a movie. I cannot recommend The Naked Mile, even to someone I hate, as it lacks even the most basic elements of entertainment. The sole reason to watch is the female nudity, but there are much better movies out there to watch just for the hotties.

Video: How does it look?

The Naked Mile is presented in 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen. This is a brand new release, so of course, it looks superb and shows minimal flaws. The main element here is color, which looks vivid, bright, and often overwhelms the visuals, but this is how it is supposed to come across, so the hues are well preserved and look excellent in this treatment. A lot of skin is on showcase, so flesh tones needed to be accurate and thankfully, every last breast looks natural. This is crucial, since the breasts are the only redeeming element here. I saw no quibbles to make with the black levels either, as shadow depth is dead on and no visible detail loss is evident, another superb new release visual presentation from Universal on this one.

Audio: How does it sound?

In the true tradition of teen and college comedies, the Dolby Digital 5.1 mix found here remains basic in function, except for the pop rock musical soundtrack. The music opens up the speakers and adds some depth to the experience, even though the film has a low key, dialogue based approach to audio, as it should be here. The vocals sound terrific and never get overpowered, while the sound effects are well covered also, just a solid, but unmemorable mix. In other words, just another teen movie sound mix and that’s what it should have been. This disc also includes French and Spanish language tracks, as well as subtitles in English, Spanish, and French, so lots of options there.

Supplements: What are the extras?

I hate audio commentaries that focus on self gratification, especially when the movie sucks as bad as this one does. So of course, I hated the cast and crew’s session here, as so much time is spent trying to convince themselves the movie was good. Even as they praise their work, you can tell the love is forced. This disc also includes several featurettes, some deleted scenes, and a reel of outtakes.

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